Knight rider

Memories

I have had a funny old day today. I found myself smiling for no reason (or what I thought was no reason) at times and I couldn’t help it, I also felt really emotional and sometimes like I wanted to burst into tears. It was annoying me cause it just felt so random and spontaneous…then it clicked. At some point during the day I had heard a song that I only ever heard while I was in LA and it must have subconsciously triggered a serious of memories of my time there.

I honestly do miss LA and it’s the only place I can say where I have felt comfortable being me, outside of porn and inside of it, and you know what, I liked it. I didn’t have to conform to a stereotype, or be something I am not. I didn’t have to cope with bitchy scene queens, or homophobic straights. I was comfortable being in a healthy, sunny, open environment…and it suited me.

Some of the memories I had were me, @FanForeskin and @Gambit244 (both amazing dear friends) going to Six Flags Magic Mountain for the day, a theme park I have wanted to go to for years, finally getting to ride X (or X2 as it is now known) and Superman.

Going to a big night out at the Hollywood Paladium with @thewillem and @theculp and seeing a performer sing on stage called Zoe Badwi who was amazing! Also the gogo dancers there were brilliant, able to do so much sexual, erotic dancing I loved it!

Shooting scenes with @AdamRussoXXX, @Alternadudes, @FanForeskin and others which was a truly amazing experience for me.

Meeting porn stars and personalities such as @Brent_Everett, @DjChiChiLaRue, Dean Monroe, Steven Daigle, Scottie Brooks, Mason Garret (who I did Cocktails with the Stars with), @Steve_Pena, @FabscoutHoward, Philip Ashton, Cody Cummings, Samuel O’Toole, Marcus Mojo, Jake Lyons…and many more.

Going to the Phoenix Forum in AZ and meeting a ton of industry people, both gay and straight, including @HotHouseXXX, @NextDoorStudios and others. It was an amazing time, and SO hot! Trust me, being British in a place like that gets you a lot of attention haha…and apparently so does having a foreskin.

Going to EatWell most mornings for breakfast/dinner with @FanForeskin, @Gambit244 and @TommyWellsNet…you can’t beat a hobo sandwich!

And the best one of all, my true dear friend and a true gentleman. The guy who put up with me for a month and was extremely hospitable. An amazing guy, @Gambit244

So this is what has been going through my head all day, and to be honest, I love these memories and will cherish them for the rest of my life. I just wish I could go back sooner

Want You Gone from Portal 2

Want You Gone – Jonathan Coulton
Well here we are again,
It’s always such a pleasure,
Remember when you tried to kill me twice?
Oh, how we laughed and laughed,
Except I wasn’t laughing,
Under the circumstances I’ve been shockingly nice.
You want your freedom take it,
That’s what I’m counting on,
I used to want you dead but,
Now I only want you gone.
She was a lot like you,
(Maybe not quite as heavy),
Now little Caroline is in here too.
One day they woke me up,
So I could live forever,
It’s such a shame the same will never happen to you.
You’ve got your short, sad life left,
That’s what I’m counting on,
I’ll let you get right to it,
Now I only want you gone.
Goodbye, my only friend,
Oh, did you think I meant you?
That would be funny if it weren’t so sad,
Well you have been replaced,
I don’t need anyone now,
When I delete you maybe I’ll stop feeling so bad.
Go make some new disaster,
That’s what I’m counting on,
You’re someone else’s problem,
Now I only want you gone,
Now I only want you gone,
Now I only want you gone.

I have just seen…

…the hardest looking woman in my life. She was old, like crypt keeper old. Her face looked like a scrotum it was that wrinkled. She had tattoos on her knuckles, a short blue rinse perm, was about 6ft 2” and was smoking a cigar. And the best bit was, she was straight, as she snogged her hubby after taking her false teeth out. Only in Blackpool…

Emotional

for the first time in my life I can honestly say my emotions are over ruling my mind. I love my partner ton pieces, and I probably don’t say it enough, and if I don’t I apologise. I miss him, everyday I wake up and my first thought is him, an before I go to bed, my last thought is him. I am worried about his health, his mental wellbeing and how the jobs he has are effecting him. But the distance between us seems to be an issue as his friends he has made seems to know more about him now than do or ever will.

I don’t know what to do, as we have split before for a year and that whole time I missed him as he is. Y only true love that I have in my life…so I feel at a loss either way…if we split I’ll miss him epically and if we stay together I’ll always feel irrelevant or second best.

All I want to do is hold him in my arms and tell him everything will be ok. Yeah he has a massive knob but I see past that and I want him for who he is and how he is. And I have told him that from the first time we met. I am feeling rather secluded and out if the loop at the moment and I need some clarification so I can sort things out.

I miss you and I hope you read this so you now how much I do. And I managed to get you an Angry Birds teddy…I’ll bring it down next time I’m there

Xxx

Miss you more than anything

Xxx